This old house.

I love old houses. They have history, usually they are unique, sometimes unusual. One of my goals is to renovate an old home. I love to watch home renovation shows as the contractor attempts to reconstruct the older home. Most of the time the older home is a trap of creaky floors, rotting floorboards, out of date insulation and lots of other frightening problems. Some problems are caused by time, age and environment, some are because a previous owner or two have done work that today would cause the house unlivable based on our present building standard.

Well, turning 50 feels like that. I remember when I was younger, filled with piss and vinegar, I would get up, prepare my children for school (bath, getting dressed, breakfast, plus the equal pain of dressing their hair), then up the killer hill taking them to school. Returning home I showered, got dressed and ran to work which began before I left the house and of course - no breakfast. I owned a fashion design business at the time. I worked past lunch again without indulging in eating. I ran to school to do my volunteer stint, then back to work, sometimes leaving my client standing in the dress we are fitting, I would rush to school again, picked up my girls taking them back to work with me so I could complete the project I was working on. I feel tired just going over my days then and that was just to four o'clock.

What I am getting at is, a few years back, I was hit from behind twice in six month which threw my body out of whack which is still in the healing process. During this time my doctor asked me "How old are you again?" I told her. "Well, you know you are getting on, the body does go down as you get older." I felt quite indignant. I am not getting old! I am aware of my age but I tell you, I feel like an older home. Majestic to look at. I am no Halle Berrie, but I think I am pretty O.K. and beauty is only in the mind, right? But, these days, I am feeling like an old home that has been opened up to reveal stiff joints, sore muscles, digestive quibbles, near sightedness and far sightedness, and the list goes on. I am sure that the stresses that I invited into my life or did I stumble into stress and it stucked to me like dried clay? - the under maintainance of poor diet are showing up in the digestive squabbles and physical angst.

Now where do I go from here? There is no moral to this story just that my mind and time are in a race to see which will wear the other down first. I am looking forward to staring at time and with a loud AHA, stand perfect, beautifully renovated, still the same old broad, just grander perfectly preserved without surgery, botox or any of the modern rip out and replace renos of our beauty world. Now I am fascinated to see how this will play out.