Conversations with friends and clients about attracting
intimate love that makes itself easy for us to fit into, love that is full,
cosy and so delicious that it is easy to slide down and wrap around ourselves
has been heating up lately. One friend is adamant that I will and must have a
love relationship in my life, at the same time she spends her time searching
out in the world of men for THE ONE.
Another found the possibility of love and allowed the moment to pass while
saying that there are no potential relationships out there. I have clients who
have met THE ONE but are waiting
for the individual to become ready and available for them. They are asking,
“Why is he taking so long?”
Languishing in the waiting room of love, most of us came
from childhood experiences of loneliness and abandonment. For females attracted
to men, when father abandoned the family, whichever for that takes- alcoholism, over work, anger and violence, each child had to deal with the pain
caused by the hole created in the moment of loss. When father dies this
compounds the abandonment story. Although it may not seem that way, most men
are traditional in their outlook. They try to be modern and with it but they
still want to be the protector and support for the one they love. When they
meet a woman who has abandonment issues, she unconsciously uses her fears to
hold the man in place, taking over his role of support and then gets angry when
he allows her to lead. It is not that he is weak; he just wants to please. For
women going into relationships where the man starts out strong, leave him to
the job of being the support system to your life while you nurture and wrap him
softly in warmth so that he will feel safe being in your arms. It is a
challenge to take that step because it means both sides have to surrender
control to become truly happy.
India Arie sings a powerful song about the longing and the
pain that that union brings.
Do you need love? Do you
have a relationship you want to build on?
Follow your heart. Listen to the
words in the song. “I am ready for love, Why are you hiding from me, I’ll
quickly give up my freedom, To be held in your captivity.” Are you ready to truly surrender your fear of
abandonment, your fear of betrayal to have the love that encompasses all… that
will release us from loneliness?
The future of our planet, the resolution to
wars, climate change and violence depend on us humbly, surrendering all our fears at
the feet of love. The answer to my friends who insist that I should be seeking
love is that I am aware that there is someone out there and I will not
compromise because I know what I want. I can wait until my last breath to
surrender to THE ONE and will
not regret the time we were apart because when I am in his embrace, it means
that I have completely made myself “ready for love”.
Sonia Nadina Haynes - www.soniahaynes.com
