Sonia Haynes

Love is all you need...

2011-06-03T15:46:00.000-07:00

“All you need is love…” a catchy phrase from John Lennon’s song. Pretty cool, we sing it with our arms wrapped around each other. We try to emulate these words. We send love to our friends and loved ones. Love is the only way that healing can occur in our lives. Love is the only way that healing can occur on the planet. Love of others sometimes has come before love of our selves. Many of us have put ourselves aside, trying to show that we are capable of expressing love by giving it to others. We try to forgive while carrying anger towards ourselves because we are angry with ourselves. For many of us, intimate love that causes us to feel connected to another is also elusive. Even when we feel that we have found our soul mate/twin flame, the one who is the complement to us, we find that intimacy is a distant echo, an illusive that try as we might, we cannot catch. We love our children and even they seem to be rebellious, pushing the love we give them away. Each morning we wake up, we search for that connection with our self and everything else. We try to create a feeling that we are ok.

How do you feel about yourself today? Are you contented with your accomplishments? Do you like the person who you are? Do the words of John Lennon’s song reverberate through your spirit, your body and your life? You work hopefully at a job that fills you up, are you happy in it? If not, why? Are you happy and in love with your life? If not, why?

These questions are not meant to challenge you or make you afraid. Rather it is meant to starting you on an internal dialogue. I am sure you have asked yourself these questions. Sometimes the answers are elusive because we tend to judge ourselves harshly as we search. “Years ago, a colleague of mine, while she and I were walking in the hills around Sedona, Arizona, bent and picked up the red rocks that were strewn along the way. She broke each rock in two with her strong hands and then flung the offending rock back to the ground. After about ten minutes of enduring the hollow echo of the offending activity, I asked her what she was doing. She replied that she was looking for a perfect rock to take back home with her. She was looking for the perfect rock and instead of waiting until she found one that spoke to her, she destroyed many, disturbing the peace of the environment trying to find the one she desired.”

This story reminds me of how we seek our inner truth. As long as we spend our time criticizing our self for what we feel we did wrong or did not do, we will not find happiness. We discard much of what we feel and realize about ourselves because we are afraid of seeing our truth. We are so joyfully beating up on ourselves that we forget to love ourselves first in order to be able to see our truth. I would love for you to look at yourself and your life without judgment. To find a way to “see beauty even if it is not pretty every day…” Oriah Mountain Dreamer. Our children are precious. Please teach them to love themselves through our example of loving ourselves. It is not our words that convey the loudest message it is our actions that leave a lasting imprint on our children and our world.

“All you need is love…” Be love by being in love with yourself. Be joy by being joyful within. Teach truth by finding your own inner truth. Be a lasting example of the greatest human being that ever existed by acknowledging your own divinity. Yes we can all be the greatest that ever lived. We can all cross the finish line at the same time it is called “a tie”. We can all lead it is called cooperation. We can all feel and be special it is called love.

“Love, love, love, All you need is love…” Let this song uplift you today, emulate it in your life so that it can flow from the source of your inner being manifesting in the greatest love fest the world has ever seen.

We are looking for the thing that will leave us feeling great about our self, that will make us fall in love with our self, that will make us more agreeable in our daily lives. We are so much judging our self that we have a hard time finding the elusive love, love, love.

Dealing with the heat.

2011-05-13T14:13:00.000-07:00

My last post...such a long time ago, I wrote about the snow or lack thereof in Vancouver, British Columbia. I showed my gratitude for less snow which brings us to spring in Vancouver. Our spring is typical in Vancouver. Very rainy and cold. I have only just taken off the heavy coat of winter for lighter clothing wrapped in plastic rain wear. The past couple of years Vancouverites were complaining about the heat and mugginess. For the first time air conditioners were in great demand at the hardware stores as spring (what spring?) flowed into summer. While I was speaking with customers a rash of perspiration would slowly form on my forehead. As I stood there becoming drenched, acting like I was quite comfortable with being bathed in sweat, I would wonder if the individual with whom I was speaking thought something was wrong with me. They never said a word and neither did I.

I was suffering with the heat not because of the weather so much but because I was in menopause. Menopause shows itself differently for each woman. For many it may start at the back of the legs, from the solar plexus, for my friend just beginning to indulge in this pasttime that few womwen can avoid, her feet gets really hot. For me it began in my heart. In my chest. A wave of heat started to prickle in the centre of my chest and slowly, oh so slowly oozed over my chest, up my neck, into my face and up into my scalp, then down through my stomach. The heat was suffocating. It was debilitating as its intensity grew and rose up and over my body. It was as if someone took wool batting, and attempted to slowly suffocate me with it. I felt like I was being forced out of air with the heat and as I panicked the experience grow and became more intense.

Over my life I found that as I struggled to overcome a situation, it intensified. I learned that relaxing and surrendering to the physical pain and discomfort caused it to diminish. This is how I faced the hot flashes. I emotionally relaxed, which relaxed my body which caused the discomfort to go away quicker. When my mother went into menopause, I am not sure if she was aware of what was happening but she thought everyone was contrary to herself. She could not understand why people were wearing so much clothing when the environment was so hot to her. She did not understand, she would comment, why we did not put on much clothing when it was so cold. My mother's foray into the world of menopause did not last long because it was not her focus and the same with me. I have heard that the experience lasts for many years, mine lasted for only a short time - unless, I just got used to dealing the heat.

I am looking forward to our (hopefully) hot summer. I should not need to sleep with a fan running all night, nor stick my face into the fridge to alleviate the discomfort. So I am excited about dry picnics, outings and sleeps. Unless menopause is stalking me like my kitten Princess stalked my stockinged feet pouncing when I lease expected it and getting tangled up in my stocking with her claws.

The importance of change

2011-02-17T17:11:00.000-08:00

In Vancouver, we have been pleasantly treated to a soggy, rainy winter. I believe the farmer's almanac predicted that we would be inundated by snow, this winter. I did not want snow. Snow can be inconvenient, blocking the roads, creating slushy transport not to mention traffic issues. I know that the people in most of the US and the rest of Canada and parts of the world can agree that snow is no picnic. My mother, enjoyed the short vacation of staying at home because the buses and subway where she lives were going no where. So, I relaxed in the divine view that I do not have to shovel rain. Many automobile owners had, in November, bought snow tires in preparation for the deluge expected, only to be let down by the lack of snow.

Imagine my surprise this morning when I woke up to snow. I was a little nervous at the big, fat snow drops that were drifting from the sky. I had become used to the rain. I know, not many people like the wet stuff, but I had become used to rain, to the safety that for me the rain provided, as opposed to the insecurity brought from the snow. Well I did not have to be discomforted because the snow went as quickly as it came. Whew!!!

So what does this have to do with the importance of change. I feel that change shakes us up. Enjoying the same thing on a day to day basic leads to a type of complacency. We become like the log lying in the forest, getting soggy and dried out until moss begins to grow on us. Soon mushrooms join the moss and we become hosts to complacency, the doldrums, fatigue and physical angst. Like the sand dollars in the oceans and the trees in the forest, it is a really good idea to embrace change. Even if it is a tiny change like rolling over, change is a really good thing for us to embrace.

Let's face it everything is changing. Time is changing. Nature is in constant change. We are also shifting and changing energetically, emotionally, physically despite our resistance. So, let us join hands and sing... (kidding). Got you worried didn't I. That is the shake up I experienced this morning which woke me from the little stagnation I was in. Enjoy the changes as they come...you can't avoid it anyway.

Facing fear

2010-11-11T06:11:00.000-08:00

“The thing that is hidden within, if you bring it forth will save you. The thing that is hidden within you do not bring it forth will destroy you.” Thomas Aquinas

What is the meaning of these words?

The thing that is hidden is that which has the most power over us. What is it? Many of us feel as if we are in the grasp of an invisible force, which is guiding our path and forcing us into directions that leave us wondering what is going on. We make decisions that cause us to wonder why did I do that? We see our friends and loved ones who, to us seem strong and powerful fall into destructive behavior and relationships and we ask ourselves why?

One of my favorite reads, Yann Martel’s, Man Booker Prize winning, Life of Pi, which is a painfully humorous sometimes, intense novel about a boy named Piscine Molitar Patel. In India, Piscine, tired of his name being mispronounced Pissing took it upon himself to rename himself Pi. Pi was shipwrecked on a lifeboat during a trip with his family and the contents of a zoo, from India to Canada. He found himself accompanied on the lifeboat by some flies, cockroaches, a zebra, an orangutan, a hyena and a Bengal Tiger named Richard Parker. The story played out until Pi found himself alone with Richard Parker. He was faced with his own fear of death, a death that involves being eaten by the Bengal tiger. He was in a desperate place and yet as his need to survive came up strong and activated his fear, he learned to train and use his fear for his survival.

The question that I feel we should ask ourselves is “What am I afraid of?” How do we handle our fear?

Each of us is afraid of something. The spiritual leaders who are trying to manipulate the world into peace, are they afraid of the consequences of war? The political leaders who are afraid to say no! What are you afraid will happen when you exercise that right to be true to yourself? We are looking outside of ourselves at all times trying to effect change in the environment around us. Why? I feel that it is necessary for us to go within and reconcile the struggle with ourselves and our fear.

This is a passage from Yann Martel’s, The Life of Pi, Random House, ISBN 0-676-97377-9. Page 178, Chapter 56.

I must say a word about fear. It is life’s only true opponent. Only fear can defeat life. It is a clever, treacherous adversary… it goes to your weakest spot, which it finds with unerring ease. It begins in your mind always… fear next turns fully to your body, which is always aware that something terrible is going on… Quickly you make rash decisions. You dismiss your last allies: hope and trust. There you’ve defeated yourself. Fear, which is but an impression, has triumphed over you.

The matter is difficult to put into words. For fear, real fear, such as shakes you to your foundation, such as you feel when you are brought face to face with your mortal end, nestles in your memory like a gangrene: It seeks to rot everything, even the words with which to speak of it. So you must fight hard to express it. You must fight hard to shine the light of words upon it. Because if you don’t if your fear becomes a wordless darkness that you avoid, perhaps even manage to forget, you open yourself to further attacks because you never truly fought the opponent who defeated you.

At this time in our lives on the planet, everything that we hold dear is under attack. We are not too sure what to do. We desire change, radical change from the status quo of dependency and limitation. We want peace and abundance in our lives but are afraid of the consequences of reaching this state. We can attain this but there is always a price for everything. Within this polarized existence, balance must always be maintained. We are aware that in nature there is always balance. In an old growth forest, in order for new life to exist, fire must burn away the old so that the new life has a chance of survival. This keeps balance in tact in our natural environment.

The new, requires the transformation of the old to exist, otherwise everything perishes. Our world as we know it is falling apart, there is overpopulation, poverty, violence, lack and limitation on the planet. These situations have come about because we have been afraid to fight for our right to be ourselves. We have hidden away from our own nature by trying to live in “love and light”. “Love and light” exists always. This state is what we are. We deny the painful, sad abusive parts of ourselves and this is the part of our nature, which is the fire of destruction in our lives and the planet. I feel that it is time that we go back to basics and look at ourselves by step into the dark aspect of ourselves so that peace, real peace can exist in our lives and on the planet.

Peace cannot exist, without there being peace within. It is not about “self-talk” it is about self-realization and self-expression. It is time that we give voice to the shadow side of our nature, bringing it out into the light so that it can release it’s hold upon us.

Each time I ask what can I do to effect change on the planet? The voice of my inner guidance replies “Find peace within, respect all aspects of yourself and you will see peace on your planet.” I am grateful to my guides and inner teachers for their continuous support and blunt guidance.

Please look within and create peace so that peace can exist on the planet.

Recognize your worth and cashing in on it.

2010-09-30T08:43:00.000-07:00

In our world, mankind is of two minds about money. On the one hand, we love money and the freedom it brings. Yet on the other hand we keep money at arms length. Without money we would not eat, have a roof over our heads or the medical needs of our loved ones met. We see money in a negative light, many of us believing that money is not important that it is the love of family that is most important. We forget that we need to support ourselves and how we do this is with money. Money is the form that our modern world uses to value it's products and services. The truth of the matter is that the same view that we have of money is reflected in our views of ourselves. We see ourselves as not worthy, and many of us experience this in a lack of wealth.

How do we recognize that the shift in thinking happens? To become a magnet for financial abundance effectively, requires a shift in your thinking. This could be through mantras, each morning, look in the mirror, into your eyes and say, "today, I attract abundance, with ease". Before bed each night, go over your day, bless things that did not go well for you and let them go. Then use the mantra, "I attract positive abundant in all aspects of my life." This is a good start to get you on the path to changing your thinking about money and become a magnet for all the good stuff you desire.

A sign that shift has happened is a click inside of yourself, an epiphany, you feel a physical jolt within. You recognize your value and find your life purpose.

The Power of Money

2010-09-28T08:57:00.000-07:00

In the past, supporting charities was a noble choice. We chose who we wanted to help and our desire to assist our neighbour was a good thing. Today it seems that as soon as we jump to assist one disaster, another one creeps up on us. The businesses on the planets that get the most publicity are charities or ones supporting charities. We ride for cancer, run for AIDS, collect for Haiti, fund raise for Pakistan, there are flooding, landslides, new diseases being found, which require us to put our needs aside and give money. What I find ironic is that in this time of recession and financial hardship, the charities are the organizations that seem to be doing well, at least they seem to have the support behind them.

What I am getting to is that there seems to be an avalanche of disasters requiring our attention and our money. Why is this the case, all of a sudden? Our science has shown us that what we think we create. There are many books on the subject and many spiritual teachers who tell us that our thoughts create our reality, all proving that the unseen, the unconscious mind is a powerful tool for creation. We, most of the time, worry about attracting "bad" not realizing that as we worry, we are creating the thing we are worrying about. Our fear has the greatest power for manifestation. Could it be that as we collectively focus on the poor downtrodden people on the planet, who need our help we inadvertently manifest more disasters in order for us to fulfill the need to save others, including our animals?

In my class THE POWER OF MONEY, I speak about the idea of everyone seeking to support others, always giving, which creates an empty hole needing to be filled with receivers, because even the people who are being supported have a sense of unworthiness within themselves, thus leaving a negative energy within the word charity.

Now that I've gotten the negative off my chest, let's talk about abundance. We all desire abundance - meaning money. We want to be able to live our lives on our terms. We want to know that if something happens to us we can afford to take care of ourselves without turning to handouts. We need to be able to move into attracting abundance mentality, instead of avoiding money mentality. It is within us to be abundant. It is our birthright. When we look at our world, it is abundant. We are abundant with cells. Trees are abundant with leaves. Our desert is abundant with sand. Our world in abundant with money. There is more than enough money to give each human his and her basic needs. In the class I show you how to shift your thoughts and recharge our unconscious mind to make ourselves receptive to abundance.

Having money is good. It allows us to live our lives on our terms. It affords us the opportunity to support whatever and whomever we want without leaving ourselves cash poor. Maybe this will unconsciously reverse the negative trend of disasters that seems to be plaguing our world.

Meet and Greet

2010-09-20T10:07:00.000-07:00

On October first, I am facilitating a 'meet and greet'. It is the first such event by me in several years. What is a meet and greet? Well, I usually have something to say, you wouldn't know that by the limited amount of blogs I have put out, but I do. Get me started and I can go on and on and on... well you get the picture. I decided to do some of my speaking to a large gathering of forward thinkers instead of the one-on-one that I have been doing. Don't get me wrong, I will still continue to speak to whomever will listen.

Back to the meet and greet. I love to talk spirit and the shift in the human consciousness. I love to share what I know, for example, the fact that we can follow the progression of the human evolution through the chakras. The step by step journey which shows us, that we will continue after December, 2012. The human species will not be destroyed as many are thinking. It will continue, because we have much more evolving to do.

I love to share that "The thing that is hidden, when you bring it forth will save you, instead of destroy you when you keep it in the dark". The explanation is very clear, when we as amazing beings, human beings, realize that we have what we need to save ourselves and this beautiful planet of ours. Our planet is the macrocosm of our inner world. We will heal the planet when we see the mirrored effect of this symbiotic relationship we have with earth.

This and much more I shall share in the two hours of sitting in the divine energy of universal love, on October first at six-thirty. Meditation, connection and conversation, all a part of inner healing and movement into divine love.

Oops, Sorry!!

2010-06-22T08:59:00.000-07:00

This is the time when sorry is fashionable. Sorry that I played around on my life partner, sorry that I drank and killed your loved one, sorry that we did not do what we should, to ensure the gulf of Mexico is safe from the disaster of an oil spill. I have heard so many sorrys, teary eyed and otherwise. It is so easy to do first, say sorry next, then think later. Do the people who say sorry, giggle behind their sleeves as they plan their actions?

"I'll do what I want and say sorry when I am caught, people will buy it." The media certainly like the sorry angle, probably makes them feel powerful, they get the perpetrator to become repentant.

Sorry is now, the latest accessory.

This morning my friend called to talk about something she heard on the Coast to Coast radio show. The discussion on the show makes it appear that the present oil spill in the golf of Mexico is signaling the "end of days", the oil in the water apparently looks like blood, she heard. Basically in Revelation 8 Verse 8, a trumpet is sounded by a second angel and along with a mountain burning with fire and cast into the ocean, a third of the ocean turns to blood. Unless this is the earth's blood which could be seen as the oil deposits, I feel we have much longer to wait before the end times. I don't think we can get away so easily nor should we expect to. We have done a lot to this earth and her creatures and before we "go" we should learn - those of us left on earth - how to correct the damage we have created or we will be back again on another planet - like we now are from Atlantis - to repeat the learning.

Let's look at the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico, I had an image of the oil spilling so quickly from the earth the it creates an unstable gap in the earth's crust which causes a catastrophic sink hole to occur in and around the Gulf. Like when you remove the blood from an vein and the vein collapses. The expectation was to siphon oil over a period of decades until the oil pocket in the earth is empty. With so much oil spilling, what if this is happening too quickly and the earth is not able to adjust fast enough? Will we see this as an act of God? The oil industry as well as many other industries that go into the earth in search of profits, do not look at the old traditional ways of take only what you need. They take and take, leaving their children to clean up the messes. Or they give most of their money to charity when they get too old to enjoy it. Makes me wonder about their relationships with their children.

The world's economy is in the dumps. I feel that this oil spill will continue to throw us even further into the economic pit, from which only a major exodus of humanity from starvation will correct. We understand that we are all interconnected not just humans but the animals, birds, sea creatures, insects and rocks. What happens to a rock affects a snail which affects a bird, which stops seeds from being carried about, costing us our lumber industry, and our food, taking a toll on us.

In this case I think BP should get on and plug the hole they have created - for real, for real - and go make their profits elsewhere like making money doing cleanup.

Beautiful Vancouver

2010-02-24T09:37:00.000-08:00

Oh! The rain is back. The wonderful, miserable juice that keeps Vancouver attractive when it is not showering. But what a beautiful week. I think we have had a week of glorious, gorgeous weather. I believe the snow is beginning to present itself. Either way Vancouver is beautiful, with rain and without.

GO CANADA! CONGRATULATIONS!
Oh and the same to the rest of the world!

Thank you Olympics

2010-02-18T12:38:00.000-08:00

I am sitting at my computer with the sun streaming through my window. Warm wonderful sun. I remember last year, Vancouver was socked in by record snowfall. Vancouverites were not ready for it nor did we know how to handle that much snow. People were sliding all over the place. Cars were buried under several feet of snow. The snow packs on the roads did not finally leave until the middle of the spring. Drivers got scared. As soon as the weather cleared, and snow tires went on sale, drivers were putting snow tires on their vehicles. One of my friends even added snow tires with studs or spikes because he could not get up the hill to his home. He has a Toyota Hybrid car which, although is good on gas, is incapable of navigating the streets of Vancouver in the snow. So Vancouverites were prepared for snow. Big snow. This year, Our snow ready drivers are getting around wet streets, my friend having a challenge with his car skidding on the rain soaked streets like a puppy skidding across wooden floors.

Looking forward to the Olympics. This is Vancouver's time to host the Olympics. The Winter Olympics. We had so much snow last year that I think the Olympics organizers thought they had it all in the bag. Then El Nino hit and our snow emigrated to the United States. I am sure the Border guards would have stopped the winter weather from entering their country if they could, but nobody, nobody can stop the great mother when she sets her sights on a certain area in the world. Mother Nature took all the snow that Vancouver was hoping for to make the Olympics run smoothly and dumped it on the southern United States. Surprise all around.

So, I am happy. It is sunny. It is warm. The glorious beauty of Vancouver is being shown off in all it's splendor. What could be better than skiing, snowboarding, lugeing and skating in this beautiful weather nestled in the majestic mountains of Vancouver? I expect that we are getting some criticism about our lack of snow, but if Jamaica can have athletes in a winter sport, we can adjust and make the best of the fine weather.

So, here's to the athletes of the world. You are the wonderful example that we can work together in solidarity, I feel you are one of the great example for peace on earth. I would like to believe that you have all brought the big bright smile from mother nature with an early spring, baby goats and daffodils. Makes me smile.

Living Consciously

2010-01-29T08:38:00.000-08:00

As residents of planet earth, we have been individually and collectively seeking answers to the same questions. Why are we here? Is this all there is? We have traveled from lifetime to lifetime seeking the answers to these and many other questions trying to make sense of the reasons why things happen. We are trying to understand why one human being can cause so much pain to another, through some of the most inhumane behavior. We want to know why most of the planet, live in poverty and many of us see ourselves just a small step away from the bread line.

We rush along the road of life to the end, at such a fast rate not stopping to experience the simple things along the way. It is as if we are driving in a beautiful fast car, unconscious of the car, the road it is on or the surrounding countryside. It is like eating our favorite ice cream cone, gobbling it so quickly that we never taste it and we are left with the same hunger because we did not open our senses to experience the event.

Conscious living is the ability to “be” in the experience of being alive, with all senses awake and aware, feeling the “ice cream cone” as well as tasting and smelling it. It is the ability to be present in our life so that we can fully realize what brings us joy. What are our dreams? What makes us happy? If we could be and do anything at all in our life what would it be? Conscious living is the ability to be alive within ourselves, to be so connected with our inner glory that we can easily access our magical ability to bend and stretch time to suit ourselves.

It is possible to apply consciousness to all aspects of our lives. In our work, at play, in loving, eating, cooking we can begin to be aware of each moment of our lives. This makes our lives more exciting. It gives us the chance to appreciate our existence and the existence of everything and everyone around us. In order for us to “walk a mile in another’s shoes” we must be willing to really see and feel life around and in us. In order for us to “do unto other’s as we would want others to do unto us” we must know what makes us tick. Conscious living is about finding out what makes us tick so that we can embrace life on our terms without guilt or fear. This is what we have been seeking, the ability to have control over our world in positive and uplifting ways.

To live consciously – first, decide to live in slow motion. What I mean is; when you get up in the morning, use five minutes to meditate. The five minutes relaxes you so that you are able to see your day clearly. You might find that your ride to work goes more smoothly and you have more time to settle into work thus giving you a fabulous day.

Second, try and see things from both sides of the situation. For example, if a conflict occurs in your life try to see why you are feeling the way you do, and being aware that the other person is thinking and feeling the same as you, turn and see the situation from their perspective. Conflict is easily resolved when we are aware of ourselves because we then become the reflection of the emotions spinning around, seeking understanding.

Life is such an incredible opportunity to use what the sages of old have taught through the different modalities and doctrines. Over the temple of Delphi are the words “Know thyself and you will know the universe” or Christ “Love your neighbor as you love yourself”.

It still comes back to you. It is all about you. Check in with yourself and find that the whole world will make far more sense.

2009-10-28T10:14:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I visited this blog. Writing, for me these days feels slow and congested. I am still writing, but it is mostly in my head. I wake at two in the morning same as before but my days are so filled with living, that I am more worried about being able to make it through my day with enough sleep than I am about spewing out the stories that are filling my head.

I am one of those writers, who dream my stories. I will visualize my characters going about their experiences, having conversations and interacting with my other characters. I used to write on napkins, in notebooks; I actually have many books and scraps of paper that I wrote my ideas on over the past years. It is ironic that ten years ago words would fall out of my head and spill from my mind like the oil from an eighties Jerry Curl. I allowed the race of life to catch up and overtake me creating a distraction that has congested my creativity. Which has not gone away, just gone to sleep.

I wondered what is hindering my writing? You know, I look out in the world and there are so many books being written these days. People's autobiographies, self-help stories, it seems to me that there is so much information crossing the air ways that there is a part of my which is reluctant to add to this. Now I have told many of my clients that each person's story is important. I am aware that mine is as well. Am I worried of rejection when I write my books? Yes, and I can publish my own books, using many of the tools available to me in the publishing industry. I will go back to the many stories that I have started over the past years and complete them. Set my schedule to each project and see how publish worthy my words are.

Soo... my daughter has set up a schedule for my blog. I am supposed to update this every fortnight. I will keep up with this so that I can unplug my creativity and get the flow going again.

Searching for God.

2009-09-17T08:27:00.000-07:00

I watched as did so many while Oprah interviewed Whitney Huston and also her segment on Michael Jackson. I am writing about it because I saw a similarity between Michael and Whitney, which showed the result of excessive abuse from the outside turned within. Whitney was asked something about her relationship with Bobby Brown and before she responded to the question she said "He's going to be mad at me for saying this". Michael when asked if his father abused him said, "Oh, he's going to be mad at me for saying this, don't be mad at me, Joseph".

Whitney was showing the fear that abused wives emit. She was protecting herself with the statement and protecting him with an apology. Michael showed how he was not in any way a normal man. He was superhuman in his abilities and yet he was not human in his experience in this life. Michael was used from he was little (something many of us know), as a robot. I don't think that anyone took the time to make sure that his world was reasonable. Michael was like the guinea pig that the scientists used "for the betterment of mankind". Neither the fans who received this gifts, nor the media that made incredible profits off him, nor his family took the time to hug Michael, truly hug him. People cried at his death. They mourned. They said many things, some uplifting most depressing. But did they feel for him? Would they protect his children by not reading what the gossip columnists say as a way of showing their love for Michael?

I understand the beatings that Michael experienced at the hands of his father. I went through the same thing with a sadistic grandfather who disregarded the power of his strength as he put all his weight into making me feel the leather belt he used. I understand. Feeling trapped, because "Where could he go?" "Who would listen to a little kid?" The church certainly would not help, it's leaders are benefiting from the result of the forced labour upon the child. This was the child who became a man. A man who had no trust of people and used his gifts to buy his way into some semblance of peace and freedom.

Michael reminds me of the character Valentine Michael Smith, in Robert Heinlein's book Stranger In A Strange Land. The character Michael Smith was born on Mars to human parents who die leaving him alone, where he was raised by the Martians. He was discovered and brought back to earth where he had to learn about being human. In the end Michael Smith was killed when people started to fear that he was getting too much like Christ. Despite the fact that Michael finally "groked humans" got what it meant to be human, or so he thought, he could not move them to be kinder, more loving or more giving.

"What if God was one of us?"
What if Michael Jackson was a test for us? What if Whitney Huston is a test for us like so many misunderstood, incredibly gifted people that we put up on pedestals. What if Johnny Depp has so much more to share with us but he is forced to keep this to himself because he is being hounded by us. For the little bit of the sweetness of watching our icons squirm under the blinding light of our scrutiny could we be missing the bigger picture? Go back and listen to the words of the songs that Michal Jackson sang. Hear the words of love that Whitney Huston sang about.

I do believe that everything that we do for better or for worse we are doing because we are trying to find God - whatever that may look like for us. May we take a little extra time to truly walk in the shoes of the ones whom we judge.

This old house.

2009-09-16T17:24:00.000-07:00

I love old houses. They have history, usually they are unique, sometimes unusual. One of my goals is to renovate an old home. I love to watch home renovation shows as the contractor attempts to reconstruct the older home. Most of the time the older home is a trap of creaky floors, rotting floorboards, out of date insulation and lots of other frightening problems. Some problems are caused by time, age and environment, some are because a previous owner or two have done work that today would cause the house unlivable based on our present building standard.

Well, turning 50 feels like that. I remember when I was younger, filled with piss and vinegar, I would get up, prepare my children for school (bath, getting dressed, breakfast, plus the equal pain of dressing their hair), then up the killer hill taking them to school. Returning home I showered, got dressed and ran to work which began before I left the house and of course - no breakfast. I owned a fashion design business at the time. I worked past lunch again without indulging in eating. I ran to school to do my volunteer stint, then back to work, sometimes leaving my client standing in the dress we are fitting, I would rush to school again, picked up my girls taking them back to work with me so I could complete the project I was working on. I feel tired just going over my days then and that was just to four o'clock.

What I am getting at is, a few years back, I was hit from behind twice in six month which threw my body out of whack which is still in the healing process. During this time my doctor asked me "How old are you again?" I told her. "Well, you know you are getting on, the body does go down as you get older." I felt quite indignant. I am not getting old! I am aware of my age but I tell you, I feel like an older home. Majestic to look at. I am no Halle Berrie, but I think I am pretty O.K. and beauty is only in the mind, right? But, these days, I am feeling like an old home that has been opened up to reveal stiff joints, sore muscles, digestive quibbles, near sightedness and far sightedness, and the list goes on. I am sure that the stresses that I invited into my life or did I stumble into stress and it stucked to me like dried clay? - the under maintainance of poor diet are showing up in the digestive squabbles and physical angst.

Now where do I go from here? There is no moral to this story just that my mind and time are in a race to see which will wear the other down first. I am looking forward to staring at time and with a loud AHA, stand perfect, beautifully renovated, still the same old broad, just grander perfectly preserved without surgery, botox or any of the modern rip out and replace renos of our beauty world. Now I am fascinated to see how this will play out.

Step onto the edge.

2009-09-08T09:47:00.000-07:00

Today begins for me persistent audaciousness, wise decision making, luscious living and incredible light that flows into every nook and cranny of my life. Join me in this evolutionary outlook on your life.

I am 50. I was excited to reach 30, because I thought I would create the life I wanted. I did but it fell away as quickly as the tide retreating from the beach in its rush to return to the ocean. Then forty came and I thought, I'd finely got things figured out. Turned out I still had some reservations and fears I had not uncovered during my thirties. As I resolved these unconscious hindrances, I blindsided myself (not seeing the forest for the trees) and made decisions that have dogged me to today. My deepest fear was made manifest and now that I have seen it, I no longer have to spend my time in that place anymore. So at fifty, all bets are off. I have no regrets about the past. It was a gas as I weaved my way through the piles of discarded unconscious rubble, (I was not this generous while I was in it) however hindsight is always much more generous with the past.

2009-09-05T11:39:00.000-07:00

Hello love,

Welcome to my new blog. Join me here for my thoughts and views on life, the planet and things of importance. Feel free to share your thoughts and ask questions and I'll do my best to cover them as we go along.

I'll be updating shortly so check back soon. I look forward to sharing with you.

Sonia